Do you ever have those days where you just feel so close to God? Like his very presence is all around you and you are actually his friend? I love those days.
But sometimes, I don’t have those days. Like today.
Today, God feels like a distant memory or a fable or an angry Father. Why?
Because I’m not believing the Gospel today.
I have convinced myself that because of my moral performance of the last two days that God doesn’t want anything to do with me. I have bought the lie that when I perform well God’s favor rests on me and when I blow it he wants nothing to do with me.
And at the very same time I know the Gospel. The Gospel is that God accepts me despite me. God accepts me by his choosing, for his glory, on the basis of Jesus work for me. It has zero, zilch, nada, niet, NOTHING to do with me. I’ve preached this to myself 100,000 times and I know it’s true.
But today there’s a disconnect between my brain and my soul.
My brain knows the answers: The Gospel of Grace is true and I need to believe it!
My soul won’t believe it though.
I keep telling myself I’m worthless. I’m a miserable failure. I’m a wretched sinner. I’m scum because of my behavior before a holy God.
And, while some of those things are true apart from the blood of Christ, now that I am washed and united to Christ by faith I am God’s son forever. He sees me as beautiful forever. He wants nothing but my joy forever. He delights in me because I am his forever.
This morning I’m not believing the Gospel that I know in my head. And so, in a way this is simply a public plea that God would grant me repentance. That I would turn from my sin– the utmost being my thinking I can save myself and make myself acceptable to God— and embrace the finished work of Jesus.
There’s a disconnect right now God. I beg you to fix it by your grace.